The 5 Most Obvious Reasons Council Chose The Pool Over Police

/ Shawn Clark

The New Carlisle Family Pool has long been a fixture in the community and if some had their way it would have been filled with dirt so the city can employ nearly a half dozen police officers. Luckily for the city’s residents, council thought better of living in a police state and voted to eliminate nearly the entire police force so the city’s general fund could be focused towards pool related issues.

“It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. It might seem like I’m exaggerating when I say it felt like Sophie’s choice but it really did,” said one of the city’s most respected members, asking to remain anonymous so as not to be targeted by what remains of the police presence in town. In off-the-record interviews with citizens, M&L found that some feel that without police the town could see an uptick in criminal activity, but most feel the good that comes from the pool far outweighs the bad that comes from crime. Here are the 5 most obvious reasons pools trump police.

Pool or Police

5. Temperatures

In midsummer, temperatures can rise as high as 100 degrees, and there’s no better way to cool off than a nice dip in the New Carlisle Family Pool! Police cars are black and get really hot in the sun.

4. Snacks

Uh… did somebody say WALKING TACOS!?!?!?!

3. Lunch

Nothing beats a delicious hotdog on a summer day. Police will give you tickets if you accidentally drive, fast even if you’re in a hurry.

2. Costs

For just a few dollars you can cool off in the New Carlisle Family Pool! Chances are if you are picked up by a boy in blue it’ll cost you WAY more.

1. FUN!!!

When someone says “Say the first word that comes in your head when I say NEW CARLISLE FAMILY POOL,” 90% will say “FUN!!!” and just 10% will mention a friend who got stuck in the crack and drowned*. Police are very hard to have fun with. Just ask New Carlisle’s own comedic icon, French Stewart, who tried playing a practical joke on Deputy Picklesimer by pretending to break into a Green Machine back in the mid 80’s. French spent some time in the city lockup for that one.

*Figures are estimates