In what city officials are calling “the biggest threat to this city in years,” roving packs of stray dogs that have gone feral are said to be threatening to overtake the city of New Carlisle.

Reports of loose and missing dogs are at an all-time high and, according to a source working for the city, the animals have no intention of being held captive by their owners. Instead, they are joining forces and planning to attack city officials and assume control of New Carlisle.

An expert from the Humane Society has estimated that between 800 and 1200 canines are loose in New Carlisle. With a human population of just under 6000 people, New Carlisle is at serious risk of being overtaken by dogs.

Tania Slidell, a professor of biology at Wright State University, explained the advantages that dogs possess, despite them being outnumbered by humans. “There are a lot of factors in play here. These dogs are going to mate, and with a gestation period of just 9 weeks, they can birth and raise puppies much faster than humans can try to populate the city with their own army. The average litter is 6 puppies, so we’re talking about sturdy bitches being able to crank out as many as 40 puppies per year. Multiply that by the couple hundred bitches roaming the city and you will have a dog army that no one can control.”

Slidell went on to explain that humans won’t stand a chance if they try to keep up with the dogs reproductive rate. “It’s a simple numbers game. Humans can give birth to one baby per year, two tops. By my calculations, New Carlisle has at most a year until the dogs take over.”

 

Another concern is that more and more pets are escaping every day, adding to the massive numbers of soldiers in the canine cavalry. “People need to do a better job than ever of keeping their pets indoors. If not, you’re going to see this dog army grow and worse, some of your pets who refuse to join will be attacked,” Slidell said.

Herb Denton of the controversial activist group “Dogs’ Lives Matter Less than Humans'” explained that human psychology will inadvertently aid the dogs in their nefarious plot.

“The dogs have an inherent advantage, and that is humans automatically have empathy for animals. Look at the outpouring of concern about Cecil the Lion. The man who killed Cecil was vilified more than most mass murderers in America.”

He continued: “Another example is Michael Vick, the quarterback. He served his prison time, lost millions of dollars, and many folks still don’t want him gainfully employed, no matter how much he has apologized or the amount of charity work for dogs he has done. Not many people will be able to stare a dog in the face and put it down, even if it’s snarling and threatening to bite out their throat for political gain.”

While a formal plan and announcement has yet to be made, New Carlisle officials have told Main and Lake that one particular dog, an Australian Cattle Dog who goes by the name “Bandito,” is the ringleader of the stray dog army.

 

If you see Bandito, do not approach him. He has gone entirely feral, and is said to be violent and unforgiving to all humans. It is unlikely he will be alone, as city officials say he has a roving band of guard dogs at his side at all times. Bandito and his gang of canine hoodlums have most recently been spotted in the alley behind Lee’s Famous Recipe.

Please keep your pets secured and have them spayed and neutered so that if they escape or are compromised by Bandito or other outlaw dogs they cannot reproduce recklessly. Do your part to prevent stray dogs from overtaking New Carlisle.