Summer Trends: Scrapping Metal

The latest trend to hit the city that has made many NC residents rich beyond their wildest dreams is scrapping. Scrapping involves digging through other residents’ trash or yard for anything metal, then taking it to a recycling center where they pay you tens of dollars per truck load.

A good haul for Mr. Longtape can bring in as much as $17.

A good haul can bring in as much as $17.

Jim Longtape, of Galewood, says he has a set of rules for his scrapping enterprise, “Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s trash or someone’s actual furniture so I use the rule that if it’s not inside a house it’s definitely trash.” When Jim travels about town he is is always on the lookout for what could be his next five-dollar piece of scrap. “Gutter work is the hardest to get. Since its technically outside I consider it trash, but sometimes it’s screwed to the house and that can be a real bitch to rip off.” Jim claims to have made over $380 this year.

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School Bus Spotted Traveling 90 mph Down Lake Ave

If you blinked then you would have missed it.

Reports are streaming in of a school busth(4) that was clocked at speeds in excess of 90 mph on Lake Ave Tuesday morning. If the reports are accurate, the bus was carrying over 200 students with many sitting on the floor.

“I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t clock the speed with my own eyes.”, said Russell Thief of Flora Dr. “That bus was moving like a bat out of hell, only this bat consumed an entire tank of NOS.”

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You Won’t Believe What The City’s First Purchase With Your Tax Dollars Is

imagesDue to multiple complaints regarding street bikes, the city will purchase NOS kits for its rapidly deteriorating fleet of police vehicles. “We’ve tried and tried to catch them but they’re just too darn fast. This is our last option,” said a city official that asked to go unnamed.  “We have a chance with NOS. Without it, forget about it.”

The news comes as a surprise since NOS is currently banned according to ordinances. It will be interesting to see if the street bike crew implements NOS usage on their runs through town to counter the police.

A Friendship Forged Through Love of Country

Daryl Craig Gant, of Lake Ave., fancies himself a patriot. He flies an American flag in his front yard atop a flag for the United States Marine Corp; but one thing that doesn’t fly in Daryl’s world is unpatriotic Americans. While he never served in the military because of his failings on mental aptitude tests, supporting the troops and the United States is Daryl’s main objective in life. “I see more and more stories these days about people against our wars, against our guns, just against all sorts of anything you can think of.” Daryl said. “Freedom is all we have left and I’m going to fight those that protest in a way I don’t like much.”

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