In recent weeks New Carlisle citizens have flooded social media with accounts of loud booms being heard in and around town. Main & Lake has reached out to a professional to try to explain the phenomenon.
The popular Facebook page “You Know You’re From New Carlisle If…” and rival page “New Carlisle, Ohio’s Little Town” have each featured numerous posts by citizens reporting the booms. Locations have varied, with some booms being reported as far south as Park Layne and as far north as Marquart Rd., north of town. Additionally, residents commented that booms could be heard both east and west of Park Layne.
A theory that is out of this world
Dr. Jonathan Steinerman is a professor of symbology at the University of Cincinnati. In the past, he has helped Main & Lake decode bike path graffiti and decipher a series of extra-terrestrial graffiti tags around town.
After mapping the approximate locations where each boom was reported, I once again reached out to Dr. Steinerman to get his perspective.
“Interesting! I see we have a recurrence of the rocket ship, same as the graffiti symbol you sent me before. I’m going to need to dig deeper into this to determine what makes New Carlisle such a hotbed for otherworldly visitors,” Steinerman replied via email.
Several hours later I received a follow-up direct message from Dr. Steinerman. He outlined a complex series of numerological codes and symbols that point to the very real possibility of alien life in the New Carlisle area.
“Based on the plot points of these booms and the graffiti from a couple of years ago, we know something alien related is going on in New Carlisle,” Steinerman began. “So, the obvious question is ‘why New Carlisle?’ Of all the possible places for extra-terrestrial beings to land, why is it this little southwestern Ohio town?”
Steinerman then described a basic numerological code he has used to identify alien activity in the past. Each number from one through twenty-six is assigned to a letter in ascending order. For example, the letter “a” equals the number one, the letter “b” equals the number two, and so forth until “z” equals twenty-six.
“New Carlisle’s latitude and longitude coordinates are 39° 56′ 25″ N 84° 1′ 47″ W. If we extrapolate each of these numbers into letters, we get CIEFBEN HDADGW,” the doctor explained.
I then asked what a bunch of gibberish letters has to do with New Carlisle.
“I’ll explain. But first, isn’t there an abandoned lake somewhere near the city?” Steinerman asked. I replied Silver Lake was a recreation spot for decades, but it is now closed. “Before I get into my theory, it is important to understand alien abductions and their goals,” the professor said.
“You’ve heard accounts of aliens abducting people and studying them, probing them. Anal probes. Most experts believe the aliens are attempting to find suitable human mates. Biologically, we aren’t sure what this looks like. I would assume it has to do with the anus. And I admit that is outside my specialization. But this fits with what I’ve decoded from the coordinates of your city,” he continued.
“The letters spell out ‘BEACH WEDDING.’ Taken at face value, that means nothing. Combined with alien activity in New Carlisle, we have a clearer picture. Aliens are surrounding your town and will attempt to mate and fornicate with a human to create a new race of supreme beings,” Steinerman said. “This will occur at Silver Lake. It’s not a coincidence, either. Silver is an element that is naturally occurring on every planet and moon we’ve been able to study. I can’t believe I missed this before. Can’t ever forget the anal probe.”
I asked Dr. Steinerman what is next for New Carlisle.
“Given the proximity and intensity of the booms, I would say an abduction is imminent. Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, cause aliens are anal probing everybody out here.”
While reporting this story, a local man submitted his explanation for the booms. Incredibly, it also involves the human anus.
What do you think, neighbors? Should we be worried about an alien invasion in our town? Is it just an impressive bout of chili-induced flatulence courtesy of a few local men? Or is there another anal explanation that we haven’t even considered? Let us know in the comments!!!